How do you fill the space left behind by those who have moved on to what we hope to be a more loving, healing and painless place? On many levels we know we can’t, yet we find ourselves reliving the moments we shared, wishing we could share one now, imagining how he or she would behave if they were with us, experiencing this moment.

It’s our attempt at feeling the love and comfort we no miss, and it tends to make us miss them more. When you’ve known someone for the greater part of your life it seems surreal that they are no longer here physically. I lost such a person this past summer and I sometimes forget that he’s no longer available for me to call and share a joke, or say “Hey remember this oldie by The Temptations?” or “Remember that day in High School when…?”

I hear his laughter in my head or his “sound advice” about little things, even though I didn’t ask for it(smile). Losing him feels unfair, but I know it isn’t as life has no guarantees. We were all lucky to have had him in our lives for the time we did and trust me, the memories are sweet, funny and warming!  

Knowing someone for 49 years is wonderful but maintaining a loving, respectful relationship is a blessing! I would be wrong to omit the fact that out of our High School years (that’s where we met) we still have a group of wonderful, loving friends that still hold each other close and are there if ever needed. These are not friends that will have something else to take care of before trying to help, these are people who have always been committed to the “family” we became many years ago.

We trust each other. Losing our beloved friend has reinforced this kindred of friends, has brought the flames closer and made us remember how precious our time is. He still makes me smile and we speak of him always, because he lives with us as we carry his flame. Missing someone is simply love burning in a flame that refuses to die. We are blessed if the flame never dies, even more blessed if we still feel the warmth.